He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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