lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
