We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
