i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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