I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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