don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
why is half of my head shaved?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
