walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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