You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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