You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Randomize
