So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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