she kept yelling 'call me bella'
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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