the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
