I'm jealous of your bromance
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
