All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
