So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
