Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
