btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
