How's work?
Spinning.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
