My underwear smells like fireworks.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
