I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Randomize
