Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
