How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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