Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
