so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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