I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
