Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
me + whiskey = a bad person
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
