I can text with my tongue
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just found puke in my bra..
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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