I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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