what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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