i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
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