i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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