saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize