Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
