oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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