I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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