She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
