He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
