I think my fart just growled at me.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
