you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
