rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
they need to just BURY HIM!
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
