Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
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