I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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