He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
