if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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