I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
