wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
