I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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