I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
In other news, I just burned my penis
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
