i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
