I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Randomize
