This house was built for laser tag.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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