I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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