id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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