i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
