You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
