he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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