so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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