He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
When are your genitals available?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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