Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
