just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
