The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
