Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
