Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Randomize
