Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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