Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
