put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
